Wednesday, February 25, 2015

The Gospel of Cranes, Chapter 1

Jack Feist, Dharma Unicorn
image (c) 2015 R William Lundy

The Gospel of Cranes
from Human Testament, ms in preparation for New Human Press

1:1 This is how it begins, the book of Feist, a voice in the night:

2 In those days, the light of men waxed dark, and literacy was a crunched, bent thing, and no one knew how to read;

3 But all were in love with the gleam of prizes, and the heaping up of degrees and credits, and professorships, which is vanity, and the sound of one hand clapping.

4 Now, Johannes the Catfisher was self-publishing in the desert, railing against the Academy, calling all to repent its journals and presses, crying, “Come out, come out, from your hallways of dust! Come out from your classrooms of madness and money!”

5 As it is written:
What living and buried speech is always vibrating there, what howls restrain’d by decorum.

6 And his words drew a remnant from the academies, and many from the schools, and churches, and websites, who went out to the desert to learn from him, and wear no name but the Human name.

7 For the world was dark, and all was a sea of trackless data, its spark grown dim; and many were searching for a fragment of the light, and the children of men roamed, hungry and scared.

8 And Johannes was a man who had left behind billions, to clothe himself in rags and skin, and seek God’s face in the dunes, among the rocks, and change his name for a bearded image, turning all that lay within him to the crying of his message:

9 There comes a child of man, bearing words in his mouth, whose form is a twig of light; he spreads his arms, and wind goes fierce before his feet, and where they alight has been made ready: the earth leaps up to greet him, an ancient newness leaps to its feet.

10 He shall speak with the voice of an ancient poet, as a resonant sound from his people's throats, and well up from the bones of those with no voice, a vibration of leaping verbs, a time machine in their sternums;

11 Those who have turned away, he will call back, and those who have buried the voice, make new: a strange cracked voice of leaping joy, surprised by laughter, a gasp in the throats of his forgetful ones;

12 To his wayward ones will he call, and seek; and those whose voice grows faint with crying—you weeping ones, who have lifted your voice in the hallways and rooms, and raised your voice in the weary night, and now grow hoarse with loss and shame:

13 You shaking things, oh you will he draw to himself, and hold; oh you will he call by name: and your own pale voice, so hoarse with night, he will draw to himself, and carry;

14 Oh you, oh you, you weary ones: it is your voice he shall lift, and the cry of the ancient voice is your voice, echoing; and the cry of the future voice is your voice, renewed.

15 I call you to abandon your names, but he will give you a new name, ancient and trembling with newness.

16 And it came to pass in those days, that Jack Feist went out from the academies, and made sojourn in the deserts, to learn from Sigil.

17 For he found no proper soil in the cities of man, and its universities were a barren saltpan, and he grew weary with life in its weariness.

18 And when he had finished reading, straightaway he shot up, as from a dream, and heard a voice, saying, “You are my Secret Book, in whom I am well pleased. Go out from the academies, into the deserts, and let not your works be published in the eyes of men, but let them be your hidden words.”

19 And Feist rose from his bed, and left, to wander the deserts, where he was sustained by the words of earthly angels, and took no bread, but was attacked by the dwarf for forty days, there to be broken and remade.

20 And this is the first of many signs, that Sigil had to pass away, for the Feist to be raised up, so that Johannes went into the desert, but Jack Feist came out: a starving man began the fast, and a new man left, well fed. (He who has eyes, let him see.)

(c) 2015 lee sharks, property of everyman

Friday, February 20, 2015

ON GRADING: The Parable of the PEZ Dispenser

On Grading:
The Parable of the PEZ Dispenser

A young woman with good grades approached Damascus Dancings, to test him. “Teacher,” she addressed him, “you have said that your students shall receive new grades, which have not before been graded, such as the grade of ‘unicorn+.’ All my life have I applied myself to study and to virtue, in order that I might receive a grade of ‘A’ and ‘A+.’ Such grades have I received—to overflowing—and yet I am dissatisfied.

Tell me, what must a righteous student do, to receive a grade of ‘unicorn+’?”

Damascus Dancings replied, and said, You have said, “I would do anything, for a grade of ‘unicorn+,’” and freely do I award you a grade of 'unicorn+++.' But in the silences of your heart are you troubled: “Now that I have received a grade of ‘unicorn+++,’ the only place left to go is down. Down is the only place left to go, after receiving a grade such as this.”

Assuredly, I say to you, you must shatter the stone tablet of ‘unicorn+,’ and all dead grades of all stone tablets, which have become a heavy stone—and you in the river—to travel the tractless steppes of new value, and invent new grades, and inscribe them on stone tablets, and award them to your own self.
 
‘Banana-rama ©%,’ is a grade you could give yourself, if you dared to smash the stone tablets; and then your down-going would be your going-over, and in the selfsame movement would you sink and rise. Therefore I give you a grade of ‘banana-rama+,’ I give you a grade of ‘™%,’ I give you a grade which is a smashing of grades, its own down-going and going-over.

For I have not come for the dispensing of grades, but in order to dispense with grades.

Go then. Shall I dispense a grade? I shall not dispense a grade.

Shall I tilt back my head, and become a dispenser of ‘pezcore%’?
 
God forbid.

It would be better for you to receive a grade of ‘Banana D-,’ and become sick with receiving, and thereby bruised, and learn to hate the stone of grading, than that you should receive a grade of ‘pezcore%’ from me, and be therein satisfied, and say to your self, “Pezcore% is become a measure of value, overturning all prior values, and establishing itself in the plastic neck of history, a dispenser to end all dispensers, until the end of time.”
 
Go then.

Better that you should award Damascus Dancings himself a grade of ‘Banana D-%,’ or ‘Ugly Triple Pudding-,’ and thereby remember the grader within you—that you and every other is an inscriber of stone tablets, and a dispenser of ‘pezcore%,’ and that neither grade, nor value, nor ‘™spaceship++%,’ contains within itself any candy, but the dispenser of candy has within itself candy, the same who assents and denies.

Go now, and be you a dispenser of ‘unicorn+,’ and new grades, which have not before been graded.

Thus spoke whatshisname, Damascus Dancings, and the academics were filled with wonder, and mutterings, for he spoke as one with authority.

Thursday, February 19, 2015

ON TEAMWORK: Damascus Grants Authority over Mind Control Powers

ON TEAMWORK: Damascus Grants Authority over Mind Control Powers


All things are possible, when you are part of a team. Those who are part of a team will say to the mountain, "Leap!" And the mountain will not leap. Then they will try a second time, more politely, "Excuse me, I'm trying to get by," and the mountain will get out the way.

Wherever two or more are gathered on a team, and believe my words, whatsoever they shall command together, telepathically, using mind control powers, the same shall be accomplished that very hour. A mountain falls on your face, and crushes it, and then a planet falls on your face. Under the mountain and the planet, your face is all f**ked up, from being crushed, and also you are getting hungry, because you are dead. All this presses and crushes about you, and yet all you do is complain and whine, because of a pain level 10. (What do you THINK my pain level is? Do you see the PLANET on my FACE?!) Anyways, you're dead and stuff, but you haven't used telepathy in my name. Why not? I just told you you have badass mind control powers, but you are just sitting there, by yourself, not part of a team, not even attempting telepathy. Go, stand you together with your brother-sister, any who is called by my name, and use your words to get stuff done: "Get off my g**damn face!" and the planet flies away. "My nose is sore as f**k, because a mountain crushed it, and also I am dead--enough!" and the mountain transforms into gummy bears, and 46 tiny plastic surgeons rearrange your face, in a good way, and also you are no longer dead.

Now go, for I have given you authority over telepathy, with words and stuff, and mental powers, and whatsoever you command in my name will be done.

Then Damascus got onto a boat with his people, and sailed down the river Kwanza to a desolate place, where he could read and think.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Lame #opera

CAST

EMILY EISSENBERG






LEE SHARKS






DALA HORSE






TYPING CLAM

SPACE CANNIBAL FROM OUTER MARS

SENTIENT FLOWERPOT

SPACEFARING MERMAID

SENTIENT DOLPHIN

WARLIKE RACE OF HERPES GERMS



ACT I

@SharksLee Dala horse anxiously awaits photo of Pluto, accidentally bleaches the good towels, turns in rough draft as final. #itisvery
2:59 PM - 10 Feb 2015

@emenberg Depressed horse tries to lie on back like human man, becomes even more depressed
8:29 AM - 11 Feb 2015

@SharksLee Dala horse creates special hammock for depressed horse friends to sleep on their backs, is now sad that horses want to do so. #Description: �


@emenberg depressed horse creates pamphlet detailing benefits of sadness for the examined life, starts mailing list




@SharksLee Dala horse strangles self in hammock. Apologizes to God for wanting to be man. #horsesonpluto4eva


















































@SharksLee #thatsinferringalot #Ifeellikeyoureverypreoccupiedwithherpes#ImimmunetoherpesbecauseIdontuseyrmilkshakestraw #texmexandherpes